Wounded but alive
The asp strikes heart ache,
Toy angst suns hide tears of one,
Taut abs sigh, heave, arch,
Taste ash soup, hot, toxic; one’s opus,
Toils at sea, harsh; taunts one oar
_____
My attempt at Tonka for dVerse
Wounded but alive
The asp strikes heart ache,
Toy angst suns hide tears of one,
Taut abs sigh, heave, arch,
Taste ash soup, hot, toxic; one’s opus,
Toils at sea, harsh; taunts one oar
_____
My attempt at Tonka for dVerse
Call me Hanq 
Wow, this is beautiful and all the color today gorgeous. I find these short forms extremely challenging but it looks like you’ve infused yours with a miniature world, well done!
Hide tears of one…
I love how these short poems can say so much…
wow – you even dressed the whole blog japanese style..and placed your tanka like a gem right in the middle…so cool henry
Very deep, well-written Henry.
First, I was struck how masculine this tanka is: usually we read less physical poetry, and this one reminds me in spirit, the Samurai Death Poems…..
I was taken with the power and ‘otherness’ of the poem, but especially these words: “taunts one oar”.
I looked at that excellent first painting, and the survival/woundedness was so specific, that this ‘taunts one oar” came to mind: a rising above pain, woundedness?
But in any case, a truly unique run at our tanka form.
Lady Nyo
With out resorting to metaphor you nonetheless employ the poetic form with the alliteration of the “t” and “a” words (and until I just wrote that I didn’t go there..hmm and maybe haha). Asps angst abs ash at sea…all feelings one experiences with longing, heartbreak and loneliness. You’ve layered well this pearl of a poem set in an autumn Japanese garden. Beautiful and excellent.
nice image background and header….like the heartache and sadness in your crisp taut lines ~ the masculine view is interesting and unique ~
Interesting form, you really get the loneliness within the sharp lines. Nice!
Oh, I really like this:
“Taste ash soup, hot, toxic; one’s opus,”
Stunning poetry and images, Henry. Yes, the alliteration is striking, too.
Nicely written!! “asp strikes heart ache” got me hooked 🙂
I love the feel of the words here, each one seems to have been placed with real presicion. There is so much energy emanating from this poem.
the beautiful images and background are the perfect accompaniment to your words, Henry. you acheived far more of an oriental/original feel to your poem than i was able to. wonderful!!!
I love everything about this piece – the word choice, form and emotions that give rise to such expressions.
very nice henry…some great allusions wrapped with in you verse today…really like the clipped feel too it gives it pop…
your lines are elegantly comosed.
wow.
🙂